previous life working in IT and hanging out with geeks, I often had to
put up with sexist remarks or behaviour. At the time, I could never
think of a suitable reply. I was either too intimidated,
or jaw-droppingly surprised that real people actually say such stupid
things to women.
what I wish I’d said to things that people really have said to me at
work in the past. If ever I hear those sexist remarks again, I’ll have a
Sexist boss: Wayne says people listen to me because I look like Brad Pitt. Do you think I’m sexy?
Me: No. By the way, I’m moving to another team where they spend work time, you know, working.
Sexist co-worker: They should
never have allowed women in here. That’s why we have all these problems
with sexual harassment now. When it was just men, there were no
distractions and there was no harassment.
Me: Why stop with just removing women from the
workplace? If we didn’t exist at all, then you’d never have problems
with sexual assault or domestic violence either. Because of course the
bad behaviour of some men is completely the fault of
women who provoke it simply by existing. By the way, did you notice I’m
female? What made you think I would agree with you?
Sexist gamer: Hey why don’t you come to our LAN party? We need more girls!
(while looking at my chest)
Me: I don’t hang out with guys who can’t make eye contact with me. They’re UP HERE!
Sexist co-worker at meeting: So I guess you’re here to take notes?
Me: Actually, I outrank you by three levels. You’re taking the notes.
Sexist IT helpdesk guy: I need to check your laptop serial number for the asset register. Where is it, placenta brain?
Me: You might find what you’re looking for in the file
vault. Here, let me open the door for you... Oops, it’s shut behind
you. And it only opens from the outside. I have to go to a very long
meeting now. Never mind, I’m sure someone will
come and let you out before you run out of oxygen...
Sexist Client: Excuse me if I
keep touching your leg. I can’t help myself around beautiful women. Want
to go out for lunch tomorrow? By the way, I’m still thinking about
accepting that quote.
Me: I’m not included in the quote. By the way, I have
admin access to your server. Does your boss know you have an entire
folder of images with names like “bigboobsu18.jpg”?